Sunday, November 11, 2012

I am a soldier

I am a soldier...

What is a soldier?  One source tells me that "a soldier is someone trained for the government to use heavy weaponry in a war or attack on a group of people.  A soldier is very brave and will kill the enemy if necessary for his/her survival."  This speaks volumes to me as I seek to arm myself to conquer the enemy of my children’s souls.  I am being trained by the King of Kings (Isaiah 9:6 “and the government will be on His shoulders) to attack the enemy – the deceiver.  I have been given heavy weaponry (Ephesians 6:10-18 “put on the full armor of God so you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes”) and I will fight the enemy unto death (Revelation 20:10 “and the devil, who deceived them, was thrown into the lake of fire…and will be tormented day and night forever”).  I am a soldier…

I have 6 beautiful children whom I love to the very core of my being.  I have always recognized the battle against the enemy that we must engage in for our children’s souls.  It is easy to relate to as the enemy fights tirelessly for my soul in much the same ways each day.  My oldest children are only 11 and I have often had the luxury of picturing this battle in my mind as a nerf sword fight…”use kind words” (thump, thump goes the nerf sword)…”say please & thank you” (thump, thump..)…”love Jesus with all your heart” (thump, thump…)…”hands are for helping & holding, not hurting” (thump, thump sounds the nerf sword). I am even able to picture myself with a nice outfit on, cute heeled shoes and lipstick – still able to gain victory over these battles. Now, don’t get me wrong, those are all battle-worthy causes that I continue to fight daily, but I have been called to a higher battleground.
I am a soldier and I have entered a new battlefield.  It is the battlefield of abandonment, RAD, PTSD, ADHD, anxiety, fear, doubt, and rage.  I had to lay down my nerf sword and choose a new weapon, for the battle set before me is fierce, violent, raging and real.  The battle set before me will end in death and the cost is high; for my children’s souls will not fall victim to the ‘devil’s schemes’.  The bible reminds me to “Be self controlled and alert.  Your enemy the devil prowls around like a lion looking for someone to devour” 1 Peter 5:8.  The enemy rejoiced when my children were abandoned, figuring it would be an easy win for their souls; until the Lord, in all His Mighty Splendor, crushed the enemy’s head as He reached down, gathered them into His arms and whispered to their broken spirits, “you are mine dear child and I am taking you on a redemption journey.  I have chosen soldiers to battle for your soul and they will not stop fighting until we win the war”.  I am a soldier – I was chosen by the King of Kings for battle & I refuse to lose.

Satan has known no fury greater than that of a parent waging war for their beloved children for it is the same fury that my Father in Heaven battles for my soul & reigns victorious each day.  When I rise each morning, I bask in the promise of Lamentations 3:22-23 “Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” Then, I reach for my armor which is heavy, strong and made of the finest materials.  It fits perfectly as it was crafted by the Creator of the universe just for me.  I can hear the clang of the metal as I cover my chest and the snap of the buckles against the metal as I fasten each piece, but the part of this morning routine that resonates with my soul is when I slowly and with great intention pull my sword from its sheath.  It is very sharp and the sound of metal on metal, “shiiiiiiiiiiing!” as it is invited to go before me into battle humbly reminds me, that I am a soldier...  I have been given the ‘sword of the spirit’ as my weapon of choice and I will fight to win the victory until death & redemption prevail…

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Positioned for Battle

We have been an blended adoptive/biological/multi-racial family for almost 4 years...surely we have it all figured out by now, right?! We have caught our stride and have made great gains over these years, but, as I reflect on them I am keenly aware of the pattern of stride...pause...reverse... and then stride again in our steps. It is the natural progression of a wounded is a pattern that has forever altered my adoptive children's stride in life. But, it is the Lord's redemptive hand that continues to faithfully bring them through to striding forward that we rest upon.

As an adoptive mother, I have taken a large step in my journey over the past few weeks. I have been quietly listening to a battle that has been raging in the hearts of some of my children. The Lord did not create me with a personality that allows me to ignore the obvious in my children. Having said that, I think He has also allowed me a certain time of observation before He called me to fully engage in this battle that has been set before me.
A few weeks ago, I called Barnes & Noble to see if they had a book I was looking for. They set it aside for me and I went right there to pick it up. I walked into the store and up to the counter (all very mechanical, rushed and typical of my style of 'running errands'), asked for the book being saved for me.....and then time suddenly, silently went into slow motion for me. I have learned over the years, that this is the Lord's intro for me to brace myself because I am entering Holy ground. For me, Holy ground is any place that the Lord positions me to embrace something greater than myself - He carries me into it and remains there with me until He carries me out. In slow motion, the woman behind the counter slid a simple purple colored book across the counter and my eyes met the title and read to my soul, "When Love is not Enough: A Guide to Parenting Children with Reactive Attachment Disorder" while I gazed at the picture of a teddy bear with it's arm ripped off on the cover... My eyes filled with tears as my heart, perhaps for the first time, allowed itself to embrace the reality of the battle I have been sitting on the sidelines listening to. I am not a 'cry-er' - I reserve this emotion for the privacy of my alone time, but when the Lord places me on Holy ground, He breaks me... I paid for the book as the tears started running down my face and rushed to the door just in time to sob my way back to the van... I clutched the book in my hands and cried out to the Lord for the hurts of my precious wounded children's hearts. And then, I dried my tears, took up my cross and entered the battle field. I am David facing Goliath ... I am small and insignificant without the fancy weapons preferred for battle nor the armor to protect me from injury (I prefer to experience the hurt of my wounded children than shield myself from harm). But! I am a warrior - my strength is in the Lord and He WILL reign victorious in the hearts of my children.
"David said to the Philistine, "You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty," 1 Samuel 17:45