Saturday, February 11, 2012

Positioned for Battle

We have been an blended adoptive/biological/multi-racial family for almost 4 years...surely we have it all figured out by now, right?! We have caught our stride and have made great gains over these years, but, as I reflect on them I am keenly aware of the pattern of stride...pause...reverse... and then stride again in our steps. It is the natural progression of a wounded is a pattern that has forever altered my adoptive children's stride in life. But, it is the Lord's redemptive hand that continues to faithfully bring them through to striding forward that we rest upon.

As an adoptive mother, I have taken a large step in my journey over the past few weeks. I have been quietly listening to a battle that has been raging in the hearts of some of my children. The Lord did not create me with a personality that allows me to ignore the obvious in my children. Having said that, I think He has also allowed me a certain time of observation before He called me to fully engage in this battle that has been set before me.
A few weeks ago, I called Barnes & Noble to see if they had a book I was looking for. They set it aside for me and I went right there to pick it up. I walked into the store and up to the counter (all very mechanical, rushed and typical of my style of 'running errands'), asked for the book being saved for me.....and then time suddenly, silently went into slow motion for me. I have learned over the years, that this is the Lord's intro for me to brace myself because I am entering Holy ground. For me, Holy ground is any place that the Lord positions me to embrace something greater than myself - He carries me into it and remains there with me until He carries me out. In slow motion, the woman behind the counter slid a simple purple colored book across the counter and my eyes met the title and read to my soul, "When Love is not Enough: A Guide to Parenting Children with Reactive Attachment Disorder" while I gazed at the picture of a teddy bear with it's arm ripped off on the cover... My eyes filled with tears as my heart, perhaps for the first time, allowed itself to embrace the reality of the battle I have been sitting on the sidelines listening to. I am not a 'cry-er' - I reserve this emotion for the privacy of my alone time, but when the Lord places me on Holy ground, He breaks me... I paid for the book as the tears started running down my face and rushed to the door just in time to sob my way back to the van... I clutched the book in my hands and cried out to the Lord for the hurts of my precious wounded children's hearts. And then, I dried my tears, took up my cross and entered the battle field. I am David facing Goliath ... I am small and insignificant without the fancy weapons preferred for battle nor the armor to protect me from injury (I prefer to experience the hurt of my wounded children than shield myself from harm). But! I am a warrior - my strength is in the Lord and He WILL reign victorious in the hearts of my children.
"David said to the Philistine, "You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty," 1 Samuel 17:45