We are the Asperger 8

Our 8 year old daughter recently asked me if she could take the 'Asperger' label off her electronic device she was taking to school because she was being teased at school for her last name.  No surprise - we have heard it a million times - add an extra 's' and a 'burger' and there you have an easy target for some snickering.  This time, though, I was actually offended by the fact that my daughter, instead of being proud of her last name, felt like she wanted to hide it from others.  Insert Holy Spirit (so thankful He shows up at a moment's notice to bail me out!) and here is how our conversation proceeded.
Eliana, you should be very proud of your last name, because it is your daddy's name and he gave it to you because he chose you and loves you.  When I married your daddy, he gave me his last name as a special gift so that everyone would know that I am his wife. I love to be Angie Asperger because I love to be daddy's wife and I am proud that others know he is my husband just by calling my name.  Daddy is a man of integrity, who pours out his life to love and care for us, and it is an honor to share his last name and be identified with him.  The bible says in Genesis 2 that when a man & woman marry each other, "they two shall become one flesh" and sharing a last name shows that commitment.  Some day, you will marry a man of integrity, and he will you give you his last name and you will be proud to be his wife.
At this point, I notice that this spur of the moment conversation, which started out with an audience of 1 has now grown to an audience of all 6 six kids intently listening.  Thank you Jesus for directing the attention of our five handsome Asperger boys to the conversation.  Conversation proceeds with...and some day all 5 of your brothers will give their last name to a wife and they need to work hard to protect the integrity of their last name by choosing to honor Christ with their actions as well.  Their wives will be proud to be Asperger women, because it will be given to them as a pure and precious gift.
I pray that we can always be proud of our last name as it is identified with love, commitment, respect, family and honor.  Thank you Joe for giving us such a precious gift - may we always depend on the work of the Spirit within us to remain proudly identified as the Asperger 8

Healing & Modalities

As the mother of 6 kiddos, I have met many a screaming children running into the house, dripping blood and sure they are headed to the ER as a reward for their fearless adventures.  Having a 5:6 ratio of boys to girls certainly tips the scales in this category :o)
They have learned that they are sure to receive 3 types of band aids from me:  
1 - 'Regular band aid'  (to stop the dripping and save the flooring) 
2 - 'Mommy band aid' (kiss)
3 - 'Jesus band aid' (prayer)

What a joy when the tears stop and they bound off to their next adventure, fully satisfied that they have received full healing from their tragedy and ready to take on the next challenge!  

But what about the wounds that the rest of the world doesn't see?  What about the ones that can't be stopped with a 'regular band aid' and that at times resist the love from a 'mommy band aid' & that are exhaustively covered with a 'Jesus band aid'....& they are still there?  

What about the sensory disorganized child that laughs and begs for help one second and cries and refuses it the next?  What about the child that moderates their environment through manipulation and although they love positive attention, it is not enough and they strangely crave the negative attention even more?  What about the child that is rolling around on the floor, shrieking, "Why won't you help me?!" & when the 'Mommy kiss' reaches down to help, they shriek, "No! Don't pick me up!"?  What about the child that struggles academically & try as they might, processing & attention difficulties stand between them & academic success?  What about the child whose frame of reference was altered at such an early age that their sense of reality is often overshadowed with unrealistic expectations and confusion of emotions? And what about the child born with club feet, that are fully corrected, but is beginning to realize the challenges of feet that do not fit into shoes & ski boots without causing skin lesions?  

I believe that The Great Physician is fully capable of healing every one of my children of every scrape, wound, challenge & illness without any help.  "God's got this!" is the cry of my heart that is filled to bursting with faith in Jesus' healing power.  However, in a world that is perfect no longer, we have chosen to become parents that embrace the delicate balance of Jesus' healing & modern medicine modalities.  The modalities currently embraced at our home include: medication, neurofeedback training, biolite therapy, melatonin & time-ins (versus outs), just to name a few :o).  Not to mention the highly individualized teaching techniques utilized for the auditory & otherwise processing challenged & attention deficit issues in our home.

Why share this information?  Because we are not alone in this beautiful journey & it is lived more fully when we are real with others. Embracing the journey with zeal for every challenge and rejoicing for every victory is only made possible when we are real with our community of support.  The 'modality' that is the most powerful and effective in our lives is the intense power of a million fellow prayer warriors that fall to their knees for one another daily.    When we are weak, He is strong and when the names of our children leave the lips of our fellow warriors in sincere petition on their behalf - mountains move. 

So, 'modality band aid' has now made it onto my list of band aids.  Thankful that band aids are temporary & heaven is eternal.  Until then, may we embrace every possible option to inch us closer to emotional, spiritual & physical wholeness knowing that the Great Physician's hand is ever present when we call upon His great name.  

The 'Un-Routine'

The 'Un-Routine' 

As an adoptive parent, it is the 'routine' events in life that grieve my heart the most.  They are the promises that  we will experience the 'un-routine' as our children's worldview and frame of reference are forever altered to be challenged by the 'routine'.  The extreme happy, scary and sad times have proved over the past 7 years of this beautiful journey to ride the highest of highs and lowest of lows (sometimes within the same few minutes, over and over again).  

Points taken:

This week, we had a 'routine' well visit (a.k.a. shots) for Bereket and Joey.  Joey sits in the waiting room happy and joyful (as usual) - enjoying the extra 2 on 1 attention of mommy in the moment (as the other 4 children were at home).  Bereket, on the other hand, is pacing the waiting room.  "Mommy, my stomach hurts - I don't like to come here."  His frame of reference screams to his soul - 'be scared of this experience as you know it is lonely and painful'.  The nurse calls their names and they bound, skip, jump (literally) down the hallway in typical boy fashion to the scales.  The nurse is immediately irritated by their 'energy' and my heart sinks as she speaks firmly to my boys.  Bereket is fidgeting all over the scales, touching every possible item and speaking in his typically loud and nervous fashion.  His frame of reference, since the moment he was abandoned, had bacterial meningitis and 3 long term hospitalizations in Ethiopia with noone to hold him in their arms, sing sweet lullabies of God's promises, and be willing to sacrifice all of their earthly energy to show their precious child he is loved (in the fashion that we, as parents, have had the privilege of lavishing on our biological children)  ....is to fear...and shut down to avoid the pain that is too deep to bear of being alone.  

We make it through the doctor portion pf the visit (barely).  For any of you that parent the wonderful challenge of energetic boys - you know the picture (volume, pitch, activity, redirection, exhausting every bit of energy to find productive ways to entertain in the wait...all a privilege and season the Lord Himself has called us to and equipped us through).  Then come the shots...

The nurse walks back into the room...already exasperated by the thought of this experience.  She is unaware that I have been praying for her since the moment she called my boys names and made the comment, "boy, they sure are excited." while walking back to the scales.  I initial the 5 vaccinations that each boy needs and we proceed.  Time always stands still for me in these moments of trauma for my sweet children.  Why?  I do not know the answer, but I believe the Lord has given me this gift of pain & suffering so that I can catch a tiny glimpse of the pain that my adoptive children experience - so that my heart can grow to a size that is difficult to bear so I can be equipped for the challenge of loving them through the ridiculous that we often experience.  It is ridiculous to the world's eyes as they see it as 'behavior' - it is ridiculous to me as I now see it as unacceptable that any child should have to suffer such trauma because their frame of reference as been altered by the devastating reality of sin in this world.  Immediately, Bereket goes into panic mode.  Screaming, crying, refusing to be consoled.  His eyes literally change shape and gloss over as he no longer sees me as mom.  He is begging, literally, to be pardoned from this deep pain that is resonating with his soul and it has nothing...nothing to do with the shots he is about to be given.  His pitiful panicked voice screams, "no...don't hold me!  let me sit up...don't hold me!"  The nurse is losing patience and she begins to raise her voice and sternly says to him, "you have to stop!"  This is my breaking point.  I don't expect everyone to understand,  but I have learned over the past 4 years that it is my duty, as his mother, to educate the ignorant  (not necessarily intentionally, but ignorant none the less) in the immediate to protect his soul.  As I am physically struggling with my panicked (in every way) 5 year old, my eyes meet hers and say, "He is NOT going to settle down.  You MUST be patient and DO YOUR JOB right NOW!"  When she is finished, I scoop my sweet, BROKEN (again) precious boy into my arms and attempt to console him.  He wants me, but is unable to allow himself to melt into me.  I hold his stiff little body against mine until he is able to submit while I whisper all the assurances the Lord gives me to tell him.  I am making her wait for me to finish loving on him (as Joey is still waiting for his vaccines) and she is speechless.  I am unsure if she understands the gravity of the situation, but I pray that the Father of the fatherless is softening her heart as she observes.  

Next it is Joey's turn and he clings to me (not resists) as if his life depends on it.  When his shots are done, he melts into my arms and KNOWS that he is safe.

It is the 'routine' that I carry the most grief for.  I pray, like my very depends on it (because I know that my adoptive children's lives do depend on it), that with each 'un-routine' event in their lives...it becomes more 'routine' as the Healer tirelessly works to bring redemption to their broken beginnings.

This journey of redemption for my children is beautiful...and painful....and I love it, even though it is difficult  to bear for I would not understand the love of my Father in such depth if He hadn't chosen me to be their mommy...

I am a soldier

I am a soldier...

What is a soldier?  One source tells me that "a soldier is someone trained for the government to use heavy weaponry in a war or attack on a group of people.  A soldier is very brave and will kill the enemy if necessary for his/her survival."  This speaks volumes to me as I seek to arm myself to conquer the enemy of my children’s souls.  I am being trained by the King of Kings (Isaiah 9:6 “and the government will be on His shoulders) to attack the enemy – the deceiver.  I have been given heavy weaponry (Ephesians 6:10-18 “put on the full armor of God so you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes”) and I will fight the enemy unto death (Revelation 20:10 “and the devil, who deceived them, was thrown into the lake of fire…and will be tormented day and night forever”).  I am a soldier…

I have 6 beautiful children whom I love to the very core of my being.  I have always recognized the battle against the enemy that we must engage in for our children’s souls.  It is easy to relate to as the enemy fights tirelessly for my soul in much the same ways each day.  My oldest children are only 11 and I have often had the luxury of picturing this battle in my mind as a nerf sword fight…”use kind words” (thump, thump goes the nerf sword)…”say please & thank you” (thump, thump..)…”love Jesus with all your heart” (thump, thump…)…”hands are for helping & holding, not hurting” (thump, thump sounds the nerf sword). I am even able to picture myself with a nice outfit on, cute heeled shoes and lipstick – still able to gain victory over these battles. Now, don’t get me wrong, those are all battle-worthy causes that I continue to fight daily, but I have been called to a higher battleground.

 

I am a soldier and I have entered a new battlefield.  It is the battlefield of abandonment, RAD, PTSD, ADHD, anxiety, fear, doubt, and rage.  I had to lay down my nerf sword and choose a new weapon, for the battle set before me is fierce, violent, raging and real.  The battle set before me will end in death and the cost is high; for my children’s souls will not fall victim to the ‘devil’s schemes’.  The bible reminds me to “Be self controlled and alert.  Your enemy the devil prowls around like a lion looking for someone to devour” 1 Peter 5:8.  The enemy rejoiced when my children were abandoned, figuring it would be an easy win for their souls; until the Lord, in all His Mighty Splendor, crushed the enemy’s head as He reached down, gathered them into His arms and whispered to their broken spirits, “you are mine dear child and I am taking you on a redemption journey.  I have chosen soldiers to battle for your soul and they will not stop fighting until we win the war”.  I am a soldier – I was chosen by the King of Kings for battle & I refuse to lose.

Satan has known no fury greater than that of a parent waging war for their beloved children for it is the same fury that my Father in Heaven battles for my soul & reigns victorious each day.  When I rise each morning, I bask in the promise of Lamentations 3:22-23 “Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” Then, I reach for my armor which is heavy, strong and made of the finest materials.  It fits perfectly as it was crafted by the Creator of the universe just for me.  I can hear the clang of the metal as I cover my chest and the snap of the buckles against the metal as I fasten each piece, but the part of this morning routine that resonates with my soul is when I slowly and with great intention pull my sword from its sheath.  It is very sharp and the sound of metal on metal, “shiiiiiiiiiiing!” as it is invited to go before me into battle humbly reminds me, that I am a soldier...  I have been given the ‘sword of the spirit’ as my weapon of choice and I will fight to win the victory until death & redemption prevail…

Positioned for Battle

We have been an blended adoptive/biological/multi-racial family for almost 4 years...surely we have it all figured out by now, right?! We have caught our stride and have made great gains over these years, but, as I reflect on them I am keenly aware of the pattern of stride...pause...reverse... and then stride again in our steps. It is the natural progression of a wounded heart...it is a pattern that has forever altered my adoptive children's stride in life. But, it is the Lord's redemptive hand that continues to faithfully bring them through to striding forward that we rest upon.

As an adoptive mother, I have taken a large step in my journey over the past few weeks. I have been quietly listening to a battle that has been raging in the hearts of some of my children. The Lord did not create me with a personality that allows me to ignore the obvious in my children. Having said that, I think He has also allowed me a certain time of observation before He called me to fully engage in this battle that has been set before me.

A few weeks ago, I called Barnes & Noble to see if they had a book I was looking for. They set it aside for me and I went right there to pick it up. I walked into the store and up to the counter (all very mechanical, rushed and typical of my style of 'running errands'), asked for the book being saved for me.....and then time suddenly, silently went into slow motion for me. I have learned over the years, that this is the Lord's intro for me to brace myself because I am entering Holy ground. For me, Holy ground is any place that the Lord positions me to embrace something greater than myself - He carries me into it and remains there with me until He carries me out. In slow motion, the woman behind the counter slid a simple purple colored book across the counter and my eyes met the title and read to my soul, "When Love is not Enough: A Guide to Parenting Children with Reactive Attachment Disorder" while I gazed at the picture of a teddy bear with it's arm ripped off on the cover... My eyes filled with tears as my heart, perhaps for the first time, allowed itself to embrace the reality of the battle I have been sitting on the sidelines listening to. I am not a 'cry-er' - I reserve this emotion for the privacy of my alone time, but when the Lord places me on Holy ground, He breaks me... I paid for the book as the tears started running down my face and rushed to the door just in time to sob my way back to the van... I clutched the book in my hands and cried out to the Lord for the hurts of my precious wounded children's hearts. And then, I dried my tears, took up my cross and entered the battle field. I am David facing Goliath ... I am small and insignificant without the fancy weapons preferred for battle nor the armor to protect me from injury (I prefer to experience the hurt of my wounded children than shield myself from harm). But! I am a warrior - my strength is in the Lord and He WILL reign victorious in the hearts of my children.

"David said to the Philistine, "You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty," 1 Samuel 17:45

Aiden's 9th Birthday

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY AIDEN!!!

Happy Birthday to our sweet, loving, generous, kind, insightful, helpful, energetic, passionate little man Aiden Michael. The Lord has created him with a unique set of personality traits and it brings such joy to my heart to watch him grow and mature into a wonderfully sweet young man. The Lord is already using Him to do great things for His kingdom and it is my heart's cry to watch him grow more and more in love with the Lord with each passing year.

Thank you for the joy you bring to our lives sweet Aiden!!

Christmas Letter 2011

Christmas 2011

“For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.”  Isaiah 9:6   While this is a beautiful verse for Christmas, these attributes of our sweet Savior, Jesus, are the very living hope we cling to each day throughout the year.  As we reflect on the year, we humbly give God the glory for our joys as well as thank Him for His faithfulness in times where our posture brought us to our knees at the foot of the cross in complete dependence on Him.

We rejoiced in celebrating 15 wonderful years of marriage this year (19 years together); the fruits of hard work!  Thank you, Jesus, for your faithful presence in our lives and for your Word, which gives direction and life to marriage.  Joe continues to work for Kettering University as Facilities Architect & Planner and Angie continues to enjoy most days at home while also working as an occupational therapist 1 day/week for Rainbow Rehabilitation with traumatic brain injured clients.     

Our 6-pack of blessings continue to fill our lives with great joy and purpose!  We continue to home educate and started a Faith Community Homeschool this year with 13 other families.  We have been blessed beyond measure by this journey!  We spend 2 full days per week together learning history, literature, writing, church history and science through the lens of biblical worldview.  We are very proud of the spiritual and academic accomplishments of each of the kids. 

Muaz is nearly 11 years old, 5’2”, 95# and wearing a size 9 shoe.  He is a constant reminder to us that God is quickly growing our boys into young men. He picked up his soccer cleats again this year after taking a year to explore other sports.  The Lord has gifted him with great skills and as we watch his passion, dedication and drive mature, we praise the Lord for His work in Muaz’s life.  Ethan is nearly 11 and quickly catching up to his mama in height as well.  He has a competitive and hard working spirit and channels his athletic and leadership talents into football and baseball.  Aiden is nearly 9 and enjoys baking with mom, writing notes and playing baseball.  He has a sweet spirit and is a wonderful helper.  As the boys’ passion for athletics increases, so does their dependence on the Lord as the giver of their athletic gifts.  The Lord honors that which we commit to Him, and it was a blessing to pray the very same scriptures over them that they had committed to memory during their sports seasons this year. 

Eliana continues to enjoy American Heritage Girls, is a gifted reader and does very well in school.  Bereket has made great gains emotionally and developmentally this year – all glory to God for his progress.  He is doing well with his eye prosthesis and wearing glasses now as well.  Sweet Joey is the family comedian and is growing up way too fast.  The Asperger house is officially without diapers for the first time in 10 years…. (tear in mommy’s eye).

Life is good.  God is good.  Life is good because God is good.  We have been gifted with 6 precious children from 3 very different beginnings, which keeps us on our knees daily before a faithful Lord.  You can follow our journey at:  faith4thejourney.blogspot.com  My New Year’s Resolution is to be a faithful blogger again, so subscribe to keep me accountable!  :o)

May the love of Jesus fill your hearts and homes this year…

In His Grip-

The Asperger 8