Big Round World, Small Square Box

Thousands of years ago, the earth was found to be round, not flat.  This big, round, colorful creation we inhabit was never meant to fit inside a small, square, dark box.  Perhaps if we could follow the circular contour of our Masterfully designed planet when dealing with issues of humanity, our existence would find a way to circle around one another in patterns of understanding versus penning abrupt lines that create sharp boxes to be taped shut and stored away. Closed boxes disregard the privilege of stepping into the circular flow of another’s experiences to fully embrace the joy & challenge of diversity.

As I read through my social media platforms, I see so many small, dark boxes that my soul can hardly stand the pressure of the tape pressing against my flesh – begging me to fit inside of a box.  “Pick my box – it’s the only way” to think, feel, solve, make a stand, disregard or minimize the hard issues of humanity.  Pain & conflict should not be recognized without the circular flow of choosing to step into the spaces of others for a deeper view of understanding.   

The beauty of the human experience is found in the circular spaces of challenging thinking, listening ears, open eyes and the willingness to avoid ‘fixing’ (disregarding) issues by closing boxes and instead entering circles of love and compassion with one another. 

And, church…I love you, but it does not need to be about you…

The issue of athletes kneeling during the National Anthem did not need to take a spin to focus on whether someone would choose to kneel at church on Sunday.  My fellow friends of Jesus, we wonder why ‘Christians’ are called hypocrites and our great country is pulling away from Christianity…why do we step into these places with righteous views and closed boxes?  I venture to say that my precious, sweet Jesus is less concerned about whether y’all kneel at church on Sunday and more concerned about whether you position yourself AMONG His people in a posture of love - standing/laying/kneeling alongside one another with love for His humanity on your mind.  Dear friends, Jesus wept in the bible and He weeps now – in ALL the broken places. 

I will stand with the military, kneel with my sons, honor the police, speak out for justice, grieve with the broken, serve my Jesus and enter into all these circles with deep love for others as my guide.  I can do all those things at once. I don’t need to put them in a box of righteousness with a single viewpoint – I can enter them in a circular space of open thinking.   I will choose to embrace life on this big, round, beautiful planet – refusing to be placed in small, dark boxes of righteousness & ignorance. 

May we all learn to think outside the box...

World Vision Global 6K For Water

World Vision

Global 6K For Water

Last Saturday, March 19, 2016, the World Vision Global 6K For Water rocked 203 host sites in the United States & 8 other countries around the world to provide clean water for 8000 people in Africa!!  8000 people, whom on average walk 6K to retrieve water from a dirty water hole every day for their families.  A water hole that likely is shared with animals, parasites, and the sewage of human waste.  Many of which are children that forfeit their education for the necessity of survival, only to die from the disease infesting the water they labor to retrieve.  Having 2 sons from Ethiopia, this reality cuts deep to the heart. 

My son, Aiden,& I had the great privilege of running alongside some wonderful people in 25 degree temps!  I am by no means a natural runner - I am slow, but steady and my left knee acts as an internal GPS that sets off an alarm for my screaming pain receptors around the 2 mile mark of every race.  So...why do I sign up for races?  I LOVE a good race, especially for a good cause - they make me cry...Every. Single. Time. (& not just b/c of my knee pain!).  I love the sight of people celebrating the gift of health & the ability to keep moving forward, keep pressing on, keep working toward the goal until the finish line is crossed.  At this race, it was the sight of hundreds of people (paying a nominal fee in our lavish country) and joyfully carrying their friend in Africa across the finish line.  The finish line signifying the end of dirty water, disease and laborious walks to retrieve water.  Instead of the race bibs displaying a number, they showed the beautiful faces & names of our soul brothers/sisters that would be gifted with clean, life-giving water.  How do we possibly make a difference in the plight of poverty, disease & injustice?  Sometimes we run...and when we run, we allow ourselves to fall in love with the people we are running for.  And when we fall in love with them, we carry them to our Savior in prayer.  

At the start of the race, I reached for my earbuds & my 'running mix tunes', but I felt the Lord whisper to my heart, "not this time...I want you to hear my people".  So instead of listening to music, I heard the dialogue of my Savior commentating the 6K of the race through His people.  I heard the heavy, rugged breath of runners forcing 25 degree air through their lungs at the start. The sound of footsteps on pavement - some light & graceful, some heavy and labored.  I heard the sound of children joyfully walking alongside their parents, soaking in their encouraging words.  Be still my therapist heart, I was blessed to run alongside a man with cerebral palsy, who ran...RAN the race in a methodical step..limp...step..limp...(trip, catch himself)...step..limp.  And when his shoes would not stay tied, I watched God's people bend down to tie them for him.  I watched men & women carry 5 gallon Jerry Can's of water for the entire race to honor the true labor of our African friends.  I heard the Creator in the wind that rustled the barren trees reminding us that His breath flows through our lungs & sustains us.  I heard strangers shout encouraging words to one another as the brotherhood of runners united by their purpose resounded "great job!", "you can do it!", "6K for us, no more for them!"  I passed my Aiden, who was born with bilateral club feet & currently has a benign bony tumor (myositis ossificans) in his quadricep muscle that causes him pain when he runs.  He was killin' it - running as fast as his legs could carry him and I shouted to him 
"Hey! There's my boy - how's it going buddy?" 
He responded with a wincing smile, "My leg is killing me, but I'm almost there, I'm not stopping now!"  
With tears in my eyes & a heart filled with pride, I yelled, "You are a Rockstar, wait for me at the finish line!" 
Isn't that the whole purpose of this life?  Refusing to stop running until we arrive at the finish line? Listening to sound of our Savior's voice when He whispers, "hey, I have something to say...be still so you can hear me"?  Stepping out of our comfort zone, into our weakness, so His strength can be glorified in us?  While it is my great privilege to run & praise God for the healthy body to participate, I will never win first place in a race.  I did, however, win the prize last Saturday when my Jesus ran alongside me. I was reminded that physical activity is a form of worship to our Creator, especially when we do it unto others.  
"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize?  So run that you may obtain it."  1 Corinthians 9:24

Passion

Per the Urban Dictionary, "passion is when you put more energy into something than is required to do it. It is more than just enthusiasm or excitement, passion is ambition that is materialized into action to put as much heart, mind, body and soul into something as is possible."
I believe passion is what fuels a world changer.  It is what defies the odds.  It is the very force that cannot be explained away or rationalized into predictable outcomes.  I believe passion is the strength, the courage and the determination of the human soul - fueled by the very breath of God, who gives life to humankind.  It is a gift of the Holy Spirit.  
It is what drives a teenager to sleep with his baseball glove at night or dribble a soccer ball so incessantly that the toes of his shoes always wear out before the sole.  This is where we find passion in the formative hearts of our teenage boys. This is where they begin to learn to tap into passion - a precious and powerful gift of the Holy Spirit.  This is where they learn that hard work, "more than is required to do" reaps great rewards for them on & off the field.  
Statistics and logical reasoning have a way of challenging the power of passion in our world today.  Instead of teaching our children to aspire to challenge societal norms to impact our world, culture tends to encourage them to be 'realistic' with their goals. Based on the state of our world today, I refuse to be a realist (yes, I said that!) to my children in a world that no longer values the profound miracle of the human race - unique, intelligent, gifted & amazing! They will hear me say, "You want something, go after it!" "Yes you can reach that goal!" "You can make a difference!"  "You will leave your mark!" "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men." Colossians 3:23  
The same passion that drives them to sleep with their baseball glove at night as a teenager will one day soon drive them to fight for their marriage, act as a warrior battling for their children's souls, defend our country, set a standard of excellence for themselves in their career & live to make an impact on a world that finds safety in statistics instead of wonder in miracles. Where my children find passion now - it is my great privilege to allow them to taste it so they can harness it's strength as future warriors.   

Crushing Victories

Bereket earned 'rainbow' on his stop light behavior system at school Friday, which he described with a sweet victorious smirk on his face "is so much gooder than green!"  While 'rainbow' is a cute description for a great day at school, this rainbow and the pure joy for which he expressed his accomplishment screamed to me "promises kept!  God will set a rainbow in the sky as a reminder that He keeps His promises."
Tonight as he climbed into my lap with what I would consider reckless abandon for his often guarded heart and snuggled in for some sweet mommy time, my heart was singing praises to God for promises kept.  "God sets the lonely in families" Psalm 68:6 "I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten" Joel 2:25
Another image flooded my mind during this precious moment tonight of all the beautiful women in my life that have petitioned the Lord for my children, my fellow Warrior Mamas.  In my mind they fit the image of the fiercest warrior - strong in battle and relentless in pursuit of the enemy that wars for my children's souls. They have responded to texts & emails asking them to pray over my baby during fits of rage & anxious anticipation for doctor visits and medical procedures..they have been found standing in a circle holding hands, quietly praying over him (& I) as we worked through screaming fits of RAD rage...they have picked up overturned trash cans...they have laid healing hands on him at the altar of the Lord...they have closed restaurants with me as we share stories of joyful mountains and dark valleys of parenting...they have been on their knees with me in prayer on behalf of our children...they have mourned with me over the wounds in my children I wish to erase and celebrated with me over glorious redemptive victories...they have loved him unconditionally amidst behavior that is difficult to understand...they have shed tears of joy over his victories...they are part of his redemption story & the only thing better than sharing this journey with them is knowing we will share eternity together.
Every time the Lord gives us a victory, I picture the scene from the Passion of Christ when Jesus is praying to His Father in the Garden of Gethsemane, sweating drops of blood over the anguish He feels for the sacrifice He is about to make on the cross. The only man able to take away the sins of the world & claim victory over Satan, the prince of this world.  Satan is in the garden and says to Jesus, "Saving their souls is too costly" to which Jesus replies, "Father you can do all things...let your will be done" - the scene ends with Jesus standing up and literally crushing the head of the serpent Satan in final victory.   Every time a fellow Warrior Mama prays for my children, I feel as if they are crushing Satan's head alongside me - victory in Jesus, our Savior forever.    

We are the Asperger 8

Our 8 year old daughter recently asked me if she could take the 'Asperger' label off her electronic device she was taking to school because she was being teased at school for her last name.  No surprise - we have heard it a million times - add an extra 's' and a 'burger' and there you have an easy target for some snickering.  This time, though, I was actually offended by the fact that my daughter, instead of being proud of her last name, felt like she wanted to hide it from others.  Insert Holy Spirit (so thankful He shows up at a moment's notice to bail me out!) and here is how our conversation proceeded.
Eliana, you should be very proud of your last name, because it is your daddy's name and he gave it to you because he chose you and loves you.  When I married your daddy, he gave me his last name as a special gift so that everyone would know that I am his wife. I love to be Angie Asperger because I love to be daddy's wife and I am proud that others know he is my husband just by calling my name.  Daddy is a man of integrity, who pours out his life to love and care for us, and it is an honor to share his last name and be identified with him.  The bible says in Genesis 2 that when a man & woman marry each other, "they two shall become one flesh" and sharing a last name shows that commitment.  Some day, you will marry a man of integrity, and he will you give you his last name and you will be proud to be his wife.
At this point, I notice that this spur of the moment conversation, which started out with an audience of 1 has now grown to an audience of all 6 six kids intently listening.  Thank you Jesus for directing the attention of our five handsome Asperger boys to the conversation.  Conversation proceeds with...and some day all 5 of your brothers will give their last name to a wife and they need to work hard to protect the integrity of their last name by choosing to honor Christ with their actions as well.  Their wives will be proud to be Asperger women, because it will be given to them as a pure and precious gift.
I pray that we can always be proud of our last name as it is identified with love, commitment, respect, family and honor.  Thank you Joe for giving us such a precious gift - may we always depend on the work of the Spirit within us to remain proudly identified as the Asperger 8

Healing & Modalities

As the mother of 6 kiddos, I have met many a screaming children running into the house, dripping blood and sure they are headed to the ER as a reward for their fearless adventures.  Having a 5:6 ratio of boys to girls certainly tips the scales in this category :o)
They have learned that they are sure to receive 3 types of band aids from me:  
1 - 'Regular band aid'  (to stop the dripping and save the flooring) 
2 - 'Mommy band aid' (kiss)
3 - 'Jesus band aid' (prayer)

What a joy when the tears stop and they bound off to their next adventure, fully satisfied that they have received full healing from their tragedy and ready to take on the next challenge!  

But what about the wounds that the rest of the world doesn't see?  What about the ones that can't be stopped with a 'regular band aid' and that at times resist the love from a 'mommy band aid' & that are exhaustively covered with a 'Jesus band aid'....& they are still there?  

What about the sensory disorganized child that laughs and begs for help one second and cries and refuses it the next?  What about the child that moderates their environment through manipulation and although they love positive attention, it is not enough and they strangely crave the negative attention even more?  What about the child that is rolling around on the floor, shrieking, "Why won't you help me?!" & when the 'Mommy kiss' reaches down to help, they shriek, "No! Don't pick me up!"?  What about the child that struggles academically & try as they might, processing & attention difficulties stand between them & academic success?  What about the child whose frame of reference was altered at such an early age that their sense of reality is often overshadowed with unrealistic expectations and confusion of emotions? And what about the child born with club feet, that are fully corrected, but is beginning to realize the challenges of feet that do not fit into shoes & ski boots without causing skin lesions?  

I believe that The Great Physician is fully capable of healing every one of my children of every scrape, wound, challenge & illness without any help.  "God's got this!" is the cry of my heart that is filled to bursting with faith in Jesus' healing power.  However, in a world that is perfect no longer, we have chosen to become parents that embrace the delicate balance of Jesus' healing & modern medicine modalities.  The modalities currently embraced at our home include: medication, neurofeedback training, biolite therapy, melatonin & time-ins (versus outs), just to name a few :o).  Not to mention the highly individualized teaching techniques utilized for the auditory & otherwise processing challenged & attention deficit issues in our home.

Why share this information?  Because we are not alone in this beautiful journey & it is lived more fully when we are real with others. Embracing the journey with zeal for every challenge and rejoicing for every victory is only made possible when we are real with our community of support.  The 'modality' that is the most powerful and effective in our lives is the intense power of a million fellow prayer warriors that fall to their knees for one another daily.    When we are weak, He is strong and when the names of our children leave the lips of our fellow warriors in sincere petition on their behalf - mountains move. 

So, 'modality band aid' has now made it onto my list of band aids.  Thankful that band aids are temporary & heaven is eternal.  Until then, may we embrace every possible option to inch us closer to emotional, spiritual & physical wholeness knowing that the Great Physician's hand is ever present when we call upon His great name.  

The 'Un-Routine'

The 'Un-Routine' 

As an adoptive parent, it is the 'routine' events in life that grieve my heart the most.  They are the promises that  we will experience the 'un-routine' as our children's worldview and frame of reference are forever altered to be challenged by the 'routine'.  The extreme happy, scary and sad times have proved over the past 7 years of this beautiful journey to ride the highest of highs and lowest of lows (sometimes within the same few minutes, over and over again).  

Points taken:

This week, we had a 'routine' well visit (a.k.a. shots) for Bereket and Joey.  Joey sits in the waiting room happy and joyful (as usual) - enjoying the extra 2 on 1 attention of mommy in the moment (as the other 4 children were at home).  Bereket, on the other hand, is pacing the waiting room.  "Mommy, my stomach hurts - I don't like to come here."  His frame of reference screams to his soul - 'be scared of this experience as you know it is lonely and painful'.  The nurse calls their names and they bound, skip, jump (literally) down the hallway in typical boy fashion to the scales.  The nurse is immediately irritated by their 'energy' and my heart sinks as she speaks firmly to my boys.  Bereket is fidgeting all over the scales, touching every possible item and speaking in his typically loud and nervous fashion.  His frame of reference, since the moment he was abandoned, had bacterial meningitis and 3 long term hospitalizations in Ethiopia with noone to hold him in their arms, sing sweet lullabies of God's promises, and be willing to sacrifice all of their earthly energy to show their precious child he is loved (in the fashion that we, as parents, have had the privilege of lavishing on our biological children)  ....is to fear...and shut down to avoid the pain that is too deep to bear of being alone.  

We make it through the doctor portion pf the visit (barely).  For any of you that parent the wonderful challenge of energetic boys - you know the picture (volume, pitch, activity, redirection, exhausting every bit of energy to find productive ways to entertain in the wait...all a privilege and season the Lord Himself has called us to and equipped us through).  Then come the shots...

The nurse walks back into the room...already exasperated by the thought of this experience.  She is unaware that I have been praying for her since the moment she called my boys names and made the comment, "boy, they sure are excited." while walking back to the scales.  I initial the 5 vaccinations that each boy needs and we proceed.  Time always stands still for me in these moments of trauma for my sweet children.  Why?  I do not know the answer, but I believe the Lord has given me this gift of pain & suffering so that I can catch a tiny glimpse of the pain that my adoptive children experience - so that my heart can grow to a size that is difficult to bear so I can be equipped for the challenge of loving them through the ridiculous that we often experience.  It is ridiculous to the world's eyes as they see it as 'behavior' - it is ridiculous to me as I now see it as unacceptable that any child should have to suffer such trauma because their frame of reference as been altered by the devastating reality of sin in this world.  Immediately, Bereket goes into panic mode.  Screaming, crying, refusing to be consoled.  His eyes literally change shape and gloss over as he no longer sees me as mom.  He is begging, literally, to be pardoned from this deep pain that is resonating with his soul and it has nothing...nothing to do with the shots he is about to be given.  His pitiful panicked voice screams, "no...don't hold me!  let me sit up...don't hold me!"  The nurse is losing patience and she begins to raise her voice and sternly says to him, "you have to stop!"  This is my breaking point.  I don't expect everyone to understand,  but I have learned over the past 4 years that it is my duty, as his mother, to educate the ignorant  (not necessarily intentionally, but ignorant none the less) in the immediate to protect his soul.  As I am physically struggling with my panicked (in every way) 5 year old, my eyes meet hers and say, "He is NOT going to settle down.  You MUST be patient and DO YOUR JOB right NOW!"  When she is finished, I scoop my sweet, BROKEN (again) precious boy into my arms and attempt to console him.  He wants me, but is unable to allow himself to melt into me.  I hold his stiff little body against mine until he is able to submit while I whisper all the assurances the Lord gives me to tell him.  I am making her wait for me to finish loving on him (as Joey is still waiting for his vaccines) and she is speechless.  I am unsure if she understands the gravity of the situation, but I pray that the Father of the fatherless is softening her heart as she observes.  

Next it is Joey's turn and he clings to me (not resists) as if his life depends on it.  When his shots are done, he melts into my arms and KNOWS that he is safe.

It is the 'routine' that I carry the most grief for.  I pray, like my very depends on it (because I know that my adoptive children's lives do depend on it), that with each 'un-routine' event in their lives...it becomes more 'routine' as the Healer tirelessly works to bring redemption to their broken beginnings.

This journey of redemption for my children is beautiful...and painful....and I love it, even though it is difficult  to bear for I would not understand the love of my Father in such depth if He hadn't chosen me to be their mommy...

I am a soldier

I am a soldier...

What is a soldier?  One source tells me that "a soldier is someone trained for the government to use heavy weaponry in a war or attack on a group of people.  A soldier is very brave and will kill the enemy if necessary for his/her survival."  This speaks volumes to me as I seek to arm myself to conquer the enemy of my children’s souls.  I am being trained by the King of Kings (Isaiah 9:6 “and the government will be on His shoulders) to attack the enemy – the deceiver.  I have been given heavy weaponry (Ephesians 6:10-18 “put on the full armor of God so you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes”) and I will fight the enemy unto death (Revelation 20:10 “and the devil, who deceived them, was thrown into the lake of fire…and will be tormented day and night forever”).  I am a soldier…

I have 6 beautiful children whom I love to the very core of my being.  I have always recognized the battle against the enemy that we must engage in for our children’s souls.  It is easy to relate to as the enemy fights tirelessly for my soul in much the same ways each day.  My oldest children are only 11 and I have often had the luxury of picturing this battle in my mind as a nerf sword fight…”use kind words” (thump, thump goes the nerf sword)…”say please & thank you” (thump, thump..)…”love Jesus with all your heart” (thump, thump…)…”hands are for helping & holding, not hurting” (thump, thump sounds the nerf sword). I am even able to picture myself with a nice outfit on, cute heeled shoes and lipstick – still able to gain victory over these battles. Now, don’t get me wrong, those are all battle-worthy causes that I continue to fight daily, but I have been called to a higher battleground.

 

I am a soldier and I have entered a new battlefield.  It is the battlefield of abandonment, RAD, PTSD, ADHD, anxiety, fear, doubt, and rage.  I had to lay down my nerf sword and choose a new weapon, for the battle set before me is fierce, violent, raging and real.  The battle set before me will end in death and the cost is high; for my children’s souls will not fall victim to the ‘devil’s schemes’.  The bible reminds me to “Be self controlled and alert.  Your enemy the devil prowls around like a lion looking for someone to devour” 1 Peter 5:8.  The enemy rejoiced when my children were abandoned, figuring it would be an easy win for their souls; until the Lord, in all His Mighty Splendor, crushed the enemy’s head as He reached down, gathered them into His arms and whispered to their broken spirits, “you are mine dear child and I am taking you on a redemption journey.  I have chosen soldiers to battle for your soul and they will not stop fighting until we win the war”.  I am a soldier – I was chosen by the King of Kings for battle & I refuse to lose.

Satan has known no fury greater than that of a parent waging war for their beloved children for it is the same fury that my Father in Heaven battles for my soul & reigns victorious each day.  When I rise each morning, I bask in the promise of Lamentations 3:22-23 “Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” Then, I reach for my armor which is heavy, strong and made of the finest materials.  It fits perfectly as it was crafted by the Creator of the universe just for me.  I can hear the clang of the metal as I cover my chest and the snap of the buckles against the metal as I fasten each piece, but the part of this morning routine that resonates with my soul is when I slowly and with great intention pull my sword from its sheath.  It is very sharp and the sound of metal on metal, “shiiiiiiiiiiing!” as it is invited to go before me into battle humbly reminds me, that I am a soldier...  I have been given the ‘sword of the spirit’ as my weapon of choice and I will fight to win the victory until death & redemption prevail…

Positioned for Battle

We have been an blended adoptive/biological/multi-racial family for almost 4 years...surely we have it all figured out by now, right?! We have caught our stride and have made great gains over these years, but, as I reflect on them I am keenly aware of the pattern of stride...pause...reverse... and then stride again in our steps. It is the natural progression of a wounded heart...it is a pattern that has forever altered my adoptive children's stride in life. But, it is the Lord's redemptive hand that continues to faithfully bring them through to striding forward that we rest upon.

As an adoptive mother, I have taken a large step in my journey over the past few weeks. I have been quietly listening to a battle that has been raging in the hearts of some of my children. The Lord did not create me with a personality that allows me to ignore the obvious in my children. Having said that, I think He has also allowed me a certain time of observation before He called me to fully engage in this battle that has been set before me.

A few weeks ago, I called Barnes & Noble to see if they had a book I was looking for. They set it aside for me and I went right there to pick it up. I walked into the store and up to the counter (all very mechanical, rushed and typical of my style of 'running errands'), asked for the book being saved for me.....and then time suddenly, silently went into slow motion for me. I have learned over the years, that this is the Lord's intro for me to brace myself because I am entering Holy ground. For me, Holy ground is any place that the Lord positions me to embrace something greater than myself - He carries me into it and remains there with me until He carries me out. In slow motion, the woman behind the counter slid a simple purple colored book across the counter and my eyes met the title and read to my soul, "When Love is not Enough: A Guide to Parenting Children with Reactive Attachment Disorder" while I gazed at the picture of a teddy bear with it's arm ripped off on the cover... My eyes filled with tears as my heart, perhaps for the first time, allowed itself to embrace the reality of the battle I have been sitting on the sidelines listening to. I am not a 'cry-er' - I reserve this emotion for the privacy of my alone time, but when the Lord places me on Holy ground, He breaks me... I paid for the book as the tears started running down my face and rushed to the door just in time to sob my way back to the van... I clutched the book in my hands and cried out to the Lord for the hurts of my precious wounded children's hearts. And then, I dried my tears, took up my cross and entered the battle field. I am David facing Goliath ... I am small and insignificant without the fancy weapons preferred for battle nor the armor to protect me from injury (I prefer to experience the hurt of my wounded children than shield myself from harm). But! I am a warrior - my strength is in the Lord and He WILL reign victorious in the hearts of my children.

"David said to the Philistine, "You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty," 1 Samuel 17:45

Aiden's 9th Birthday

Customize your own free slideshow design

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AIDEN!!!

Happy Birthday to our sweet, loving, generous, kind, insightful, helpful, energetic, passionate little man Aiden Michael. The Lord has created him with a unique set of personality traits and it brings such joy to my heart to watch him grow and mature into a wonderfully sweet young man. The Lord is already using Him to do great things for His kingdom and it is my heart's cry to watch him grow more and more in love with the Lord with each passing year.

Thank you for the joy you bring to our lives sweet Aiden!!

Christmas Letter 2011

Christmas 2011

“For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.”  Isaiah 9:6   While this is a beautiful verse for Christmas, these attributes of our sweet Savior, Jesus, are the very living hope we cling to each day throughout the year.  As we reflect on the year, we humbly give God the glory for our joys as well as thank Him for His faithfulness in times where our posture brought us to our knees at the foot of the cross in complete dependence on Him.

We rejoiced in celebrating 15 wonderful years of marriage this year (19 years together); the fruits of hard work!  Thank you, Jesus, for your faithful presence in our lives and for your Word, which gives direction and life to marriage.  Joe continues to work for Kettering University as Facilities Architect & Planner and Angie continues to enjoy most days at home while also working as an occupational therapist 1 day/week for Rainbow Rehabilitation with traumatic brain injured clients.     

Our 6-pack of blessings continue to fill our lives with great joy and purpose!  We continue to home educate and started a Faith Community Homeschool this year with 13 other families.  We have been blessed beyond measure by this journey!  We spend 2 full days per week together learning history, literature, writing, church history and science through the lens of biblical worldview.  We are very proud of the spiritual and academic accomplishments of each of the kids. 

Muaz is nearly 11 years old, 5’2”, 95# and wearing a size 9 shoe.  He is a constant reminder to us that God is quickly growing our boys into young men. He picked up his soccer cleats again this year after taking a year to explore other sports.  The Lord has gifted him with great skills and as we watch his passion, dedication and drive mature, we praise the Lord for His work in Muaz’s life.  Ethan is nearly 11 and quickly catching up to his mama in height as well.  He has a competitive and hard working spirit and channels his athletic and leadership talents into football and baseball.  Aiden is nearly 9 and enjoys baking with mom, writing notes and playing baseball.  He has a sweet spirit and is a wonderful helper.  As the boys’ passion for athletics increases, so does their dependence on the Lord as the giver of their athletic gifts.  The Lord honors that which we commit to Him, and it was a blessing to pray the very same scriptures over them that they had committed to memory during their sports seasons this year. 

Eliana continues to enjoy American Heritage Girls, is a gifted reader and does very well in school.  Bereket has made great gains emotionally and developmentally this year – all glory to God for his progress.  He is doing well with his eye prosthesis and wearing glasses now as well.  Sweet Joey is the family comedian and is growing up way too fast.  The Asperger house is officially without diapers for the first time in 10 years…. (tear in mommy’s eye).

Life is good.  God is good.  Life is good because God is good.  We have been gifted with 6 precious children from 3 very different beginnings, which keeps us on our knees daily before a faithful Lord.  You can follow our journey at:  faith4thejourney.blogspot.com  My New Year’s Resolution is to be a faithful blogger again, so subscribe to keep me accountable!  :o)

May the love of Jesus fill your hearts and homes this year…

In His Grip-

The Asperger 8

In The Trenches

The Asperger house is filled with a quiet stillness that begs me to bask in the silence and reflect on the journey of life...parenting...homeschooling...the gift of marriage...loving and serving a Sovereign Lord with every minute of every day.

Where do I begin to download...

I live in a house filled with noise...6 children often "make a joyful noise unto the Lord" and sometimes my 'sensory-sensitive self' finds it...very loud. Moments such as these, with 6 sleeping angels, leave me to my thoughts, which I often crave in the noise of a productive day. On this day, my thoughts are filled with joy, burden, deep love and sorrow all at the same time.

The past few weeks, I wish to label as "in the trenches" of parenting and life in general for the Asperger family. As an adoptive parent, I often wrestle with when to share the stories of my children and when to keep them private, but often I am prompted by the Lord that someone out there needs to know that they are not alone "in the trenches" of this blessed & difficult journey of redemption for our wounded children.

"Only 7 years..."

A phrase spoken by my 10 year old Ethiopian son a few weeks ago that continues to resonate to my very soul. In the midst of a busy morning, a casual conversation ensued about what time mom went to bed last night. I honestly stated that it was about 12:00 am when mom went to bed and I arose to the alarm at 5:45. My oldest boys commented that "you must be tired", "do you wish you got more sleep" and I honestly replied that it is ok..."I only get 18 years to parent each of you as my children and I will have plenty of time to rest when you are grown". At this very moment, the Lord directed my gaze to my 10 year old Ethiopian son. I looked into his eyes and stated, "and I have only been given the gift of 11 with you, so I don't want to waste a minute of it". We exchanged a smile and then I saw a look on his face that I have grown to love and dread at the same time. After a few thoughtful moments, his reply was, "....so mama Medina only got 7 years...". This is my son, whom I know, beyond the shadow of doubt, loves and is fully bonded to us as his parents. I also know, beyond the shadow of doubt, that he has another mom, in Ethiopia, of whom the Lord Himself chose for Him to born to, that he loves and should not be denied the gift of loving still.

In the routine of a typical busy morning, for a brief moment, we shared a quick moment that I have grown to love in this journey of redemption for my wounded children...our eyes met and I said to my son, "...you are right honey...and I am so glad that we know she accepted Jesus as her Savior so we can spend eternity with her in heaven. The bible states that when we get to heaven, this time on earth will feel like the blink of an eye..." We exchanged a smile that cannot be described in words...time did not stand still...the noise did not cease in the house...but, the Spirit of the Lord was upon us.

Parenting wounded children is Holy ground. I do not know how one would tread this water without full, undeniable trust in the Lord because every moment counts and there is often no time to ponder over the best response or read up on the latest literature. It is in the moment that it counts and I praise the Lord that I can fully rely upon His Spirit at work in me to adequately do the job He has called me to do.

In those moments I find myself loving mama Medina with a depth that has no earthly comprehension. She has given me the gift of another level of accountability that I do not have to entertain with my biological children. I am always accountable to God for parenting all of my children with intention and purpose to bring Him glory. However, I met mama Medina...I hugged her with my own arms...I watched her face light up when she saw her sons and held them in her arms...I heard her pleas for their well being with my own ears...and I watched her walk out the orphanage gates and leave her sons with us as our son (hers & ours) stood, silently weeping as she walked away... I cannot deny her mother's heart and I have chosen to be accountable to her as well as the Lord. I think of her with every decision we make for our boys...it is painful and it is good. It is the cry of my heart that I will be able to embrace her this side of heaven and thank her for her presence in my life. She has left a 'heart-print' that will eternally impact the way I parent all of our children.

"Why didn't she stop to help me?!"

One evening last week, I stopped in Eliana's room to help her clean up before bed. Out of nowhere she stated, "I miss Guatemala". Eliana arrived home at 6 months of age and has no intentional recollection of Guatemala...but her soul continues to beg for answers to the pain of abandonment she carries deep in her heart.

"What do you mean?" I ask her, always waiting to hear her heart versus putting thoughts into her head. She breaks down into sobbing tears and says, "I miss mama Elvira". "What do you mean?" I ask. "I am sad that she didn't get to be my mom...I wanted her to be able to be my mom". Once again, Eliana loves us and is fully bonded to us, but children becoming orphans was not part of God's glorious design...sin entered the world and there begins the plight of the orphan. I give her the standard line, "Eliana...mama Elvira could not take care of you and she loved you enough that she did the very best thing for you...God chose us to be your parents and we are so blessed that He chose us." Eliana's response (still sobbing), "I know, BUT...Why didn't she stop to help me? I needed her to help me and to be my mommy!" These are the moments that my heart shatters into a million pieces. I can love her...nurture her...hug her...tell her I love her...adore her, but it will never take away the deep wound of abandonment in her heart. I cannot fix that for her. So I sit on her floor, rocking her in my arms, tears running down my face...grateful that our Abba Father is cradling both of us in His arms as we rock back and forth... In time, as she grows closer to the Lord, I pray that she will find rest in knowing Her Savior "never left her or forsake her", but for now...I pray the Lord can use my human-ness to show her His redeeming love.

Although, at times I am weary "in the trenches"... I am forever grateful that God called me to this journey. For if I had never sat in the trenches with His children, I may never have known the "love the Father has lavished upon us", I may never have learned to trust Him the way I do today and I would have never witnessed the courage that He has given my precious children on their redemption journies... thank you Jesus for your Holy ground... and for each and every moment you craddle us through...

"Orphanology" Musings

It is summer time and I have been enjoying the leisure activity of reading (something unrelated to our homeschool subject matter) this past week. Thanks to the book, Orphanology, by Tony Merida & Rick Morton, I have been given the gift of weeping for the orphan many times this week. Summer is a down time for our orphan ministry and often a time of reflecting and planning for the upcoming year. The gift of weeping for the orphan ignites a passion that God has placed deep in my soul. Passion (the whisper/shout of the Lord) + Action (choosing to BE the hands & feet of Christ) = Life Change (hope renewed, the gospel lived out)

During the school year, it is difficult for me to find time to sit, ponder and process emotion...to be still in the presence of the Lord and feel Him tug my heart. My days are filled with purpose and service to Him through my children, my husband, my patients, our orphan ministry...all good wonderful things. But, my soul grows hungry for time to be still with the Lord and bask in His presence. I crave time to think; without being rushed or preoccupied with the list of items (though necessary & good) begging to be completed in order to ensure that life runs smoothly. Sadly, that is the 'Martha' versus 'Mary' in me that I often pray to find a better balance between in my life.

Orphanology is a book about the theological basis for adoption and the responsibility of the church to respond to the orphan crisis. I will be blogging as the Lord speaks to me through this powerful book, but here is a quote to wet your palate...

"Jesus Christ alone had all the right qualifications to save us and make us children of God. Only Jesus was qualified to redeem and adopt me because only He is the God-man." I am adopted into God's family only through the death of my Savior, Jesus Christ, on the cross and my decision to accept Christ as my Savior. Without my adoption, I would be lost to sin and spend eternity in hell. Adopting children into loving families is the passion of my heart, but experiencing the love of a family here on earth pales in comparison to the gift of spending eternity in heaven. Fatherless children deserve to be adopted into christian homes ... they deserve the gift of eternal life...

Sweet Victory!

"May we shout for joy over your victory and lift up our banners in the name of our God." Psalm 20:5

We now shout for joy that the Lord has given our 'baby Bear' sweet victory over this great challenge in his life. He wears his 'new eye' for a week at a time now without hesitation or strife. When he looks in the mirror, he excitedly proclaims, "My eye is open!!" This seems a small victory for a 3 year old boy, but even at this young age, he notices and finds great joy in seeing himself this way. It is one of those privileges we cannot help but praise the Lord for as we think of where our children have come from.

Just to revisit the power of the Lord, and give Him glory for the miracles He chooses to perform and the delight He takes in answering the prayers of His people, notice how perfectly the eye sits in Bear's eye. Amidst the great trials of his 'prosthetic fitting appointments', the prosthetist warned us that the Shell would likely not sit perfectly in his eye, that it may spin around in his eye socket, that the color may not match, the pupil height may be off, etc. since he was not able to get the necessary measurements to form the prosthesis perfectly. We, and many other faithful prayer warriors, lifted up our Baby Bear to the Lord and petitioned Him to do the 'unlikely'. We prayed very specifically that He would guide and direct the skilled hands of the prosthetist to make a Shell that would indeed fit perfectly the first time. Once Bear began to open his eye, I had several phone conversations about how things were going with the prosthetist, a man of great compassion, who did not want to subject Bear to the trauma of an office visit. Imagine his surprise when he asked how it was positioned in his eye, color match, pupil height, rotation in the socket, etc. "Greg, it is perfect...." "Really? No issues, nothing...?" "No...it is perfect. We prayed that the Lord would work a miracle through your skillful hands, and He was faithful to use you to answer our prayers." Not only is the Lord in the business of answering prayers, He is faithful to provide us an avenue to share of His goodness with others.

As his comfort level with the Shell increases, we have noticed a few minor adjustments that can be made to the prosthesis to make it 'more perfect'. We are beyond grateful for the incredible ways the Lord worked through this trial on behalf of our sweet Baby Bear. We began in the valley of darkness, where we held him in our arms and provided hours and hours of the nurture that he craved from birth. And now, we bask in God's glorious light as we watch Bear's face light up in a way that only 2 open eyes can express.

As part of our family Advent devotional time tonight, the question was asked, "what are the gifts that we receive that we cannot put in a box under the tree?" and "which are of greater value in your life?" We discussed the gifts that cannot be placed under the tree of family, love, worship, freedom of religion, freedom as Americans, health, happiness, time, joy, friends, salvation through Jesus Christ... and we all decided that although the gifts under the tree are nice, the true gifts of Christmas cannot be wrapped and placed under the tree.

Thank you Lord for the gift of joy and victory in Bear's life over the past few months, I will "treasure up all these things and ponder them in my heart..."

Darkness into Light

"You, LORD, are my lamp; the LORD turns my darkness into light."

2 Samuel 22:29

The Journey Continues:

Each day when we put Bear's 'new eye' in, we would pray with him that he would have strength to do the "hard work" of wearing his eye and that God would give him courage to open his eyes and be in the light.

After several days of total darkness when his 'new eye' was in, Bereket sat down on the floor with big brother Ethan (who had been carrying him around the house upon his every request & letting him sit on his lap while he did his school work) to play with some toys. Ethan poured the love of a big brother into his heart for about 45 minutes - handing him toys and telling him what they were and suddenly Bereket decided that he wanted to be in the light and opened his eyes. Thank you Jesus! Every one of the kids in the house were shouting, "Mom! Bear has his eyes open! Good job Bear!! (as they joyfully crowded around him)" As a homeschooling family, our kids have the privilege of sharing a lot of life moments with their siblings each day. As a mom, it is a precious gift to witness them nurture and encourage one another. Bear has been the recipient of many gifts from his siblings through this trial. His siblings daily lifted him up in prayer, agonized over his discomfort and rejoiced in his victory.

The next few weeks brought a mix of victory and defeat each day with his 'new eye' and we learned to praise through the victories and pray through the trials.

Darkness

DARKNESS

Our next 'dispensing visit' to the prosthetist took 5 hours once again. This visit left the prosthetist stating, "in 30 years of doing this, I have never had a child react this way." We managed to get the Shell into Bear's eye, but he refused to open either of his eyes. He screamed and cried for a while, but then fell into a silent heap on my lap. He was not sleeping, but refused to open his eyes. The prosthetist sent us away for 2 hours hoping that once we were out of the office, Bear would have less anxiety and open his eyes. For two hours, he sat limp on my lap in total darkness. We returned to the office and reported our lack of progress to a very surprised prosthetist. "This is very odd, in 30 years, I have never had a child respond this way" he stated. At this moment I felt the Holy Spirit nudging me to share Bear's history and educate him on the deep wounds orphaned children can bear. He was very interested, understanding and appreciated the insight. I praised the Lord for the opportunity to 'bend an ear' for the orphan. I decided that we needed to leave the office with the Shell even though we didn't know if the fit was right and prayerfully press through this difficult process at home. Our sweet Bereket would spend 8, 10, 12 hours a day in total darkness (not opening either eye). If he was not on my lap, he would sleep for hours at a time on the couch. We were taking it out every day to monitor his natural eye for break down and he began to cry, "No! I don't want to go back in the darkness!" when it was time to put it back in. It was heart wrenching, but a process we had to proceed with. We prayed for wisdom and discernment in those weeks for the Lord to help us weigh Bear's physical needs with his emotional needs. During this most difficult time, a wise friend called to encourage us and confirmed a feeling I had on my heart. Perhaps the Lord was actually using this time of emotional trial for Bereket to heal his wounds of abandonment from being sick and alone in Ethiopia. Through this medical challenge, He was lavished with the love and nurture his soul craved from a mother...

Sclero-Shell Journey

Bereket received his Sclero-Shell Eye Prosthesis just before Thanksgiving and it has been a road of great challenge, great joy & the peace of watching our Savior's hand at work in redeeming the hurts of our once orphaned son.

Background Information:

In Bereket's 10 short months of life in Ethiopia, he was relinquished for adoption and hospitalized 3 times: 2 times for eye surgeries and 1 time with bacterial meningitis. Two of these hospital stays were 7-10 days long. When our children are sick and in the hospital, time stands still - commitments get cancelled and we sit at their bedside. We do not leave them. We hold them, rock them, snuggle them and pray over them until they are well and then we take them home. An orphan does not have parents to care for them, so they go to the hospital, alone. And they stay there, alone. Sick and in need of nurture and love, but unable to have those needs met.

Adoption is a journey that begs parents to grieve their child's hurts, losses and emotions in order to create a window of insight into the life they have experienced before they were gifted to you. It is the cry of my heart that adoptive families learn to embrace the lives our children have experienced before they came to us in order to love and parent them well. I have spent a lot of time grieving for my sweet Bereket, who cried out for the love & nurture of a mother when he was sick, but was unable to receive it. Of the many promises the Lord makes to the orphan, "I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you" John 14:18, is dear to my heart because He allowed us to 'come' with Him.

Fitting Appointments:

Bereket was sedated for his first Shell fitting when they measured his eye and made a mold for the Shell. The second fitting, however, had to be done awake and alert in order to measure eye lid height, monitor how it fit into his eye socket, measure pupil height to paint matching eye, etc. This appointment took 5 excruciating hours of a screaming and hysterical Bear, which put him out of his mind overloaded by the experience. We left the appointment with the kind and patient prosthetist stating, "This will be a process because I can't get the measurements I need and I will have to give it a professional guess and we will adjust it as we go." As our Bear screamed and cried through that appointment, the Lord begged my heart to grieve for his losses and lovingly endure this process with him, because this time - he was not alone.

We spent the next 3+ weeks praying that the Lord Himself, who created Bereket and knew the exact measurements for the perfect Shell would work through the skilled hands of the prosthetist to do the impossible and make a perfect Shell the first time.

PERSPECTIVE & EYE UPDATE

Perspective: "seeing all the relevant data in a meaningful relationship"

Life is so often a matter of perspective...it is my prayer that the Holy Spirit helps me to refine my perspective from relationship with self to relationship with my Maker. I know the Lord to be a sovereign Lord (having supreme authority over everything) and yet I often allow myself to question details. It is not often the large picture that I question, but in the smaller details, I harbor a weakness in which Satan creeps in and hangs out.

Our sweet Bereket obtained a new specialist for his eye yesterday - a plastics & prosthetics physician at Kellogg Eye Center, Dr. Gregg Doots (a wonderfully patient & kind man with 31 years of experience in his field of expertise who sat & talked to me for 60 minutes as if he were an old friend). Our son Bereket came from Ethiopia to be part of our family with an eye that would require continuing specialized medical treatment for a lifetime - we live 45 minutes from one of the best pediatric eye care centers in the country (Kellogg Eye Center) & 50 minutes from of the most sought after pediatric retina specialists in the nation (Dr. Trese - Beaumont). God's perspective is in the details.

Bereket did not receive medical attention for his eye in Ethiopia until he was about 6 months old and by this time, his eye was bulging from the socket due to excessive pressure in the eye. He had a surgery around 6 months of unknown procedure and the pressure was slightly reduced until he came home. Watching his eye protrude from the socket in pictures left me wondering at times, 'Why can't we get him home sooner - he needs treatment...please Lord speed this up!' This is a result of internal perspective versus sovereign perspective.

Bereket's left eye only opens at 50% of the capacity of his right eye and is 20% smaller. He is blind in that eye, but it is also showing that it is incapable of growth. If it is left untreated, his eye musculature and bone structure will not progress and he will have a sunken eye socket and immature bone growth affecting the shape of his cheekbone and facial structure. He is being fitted for a prosthesis - sclero shell - that he wear over his natural eye that will help to hold his eye open and potentially stimulate muscle and bone growth. He will wear this prosthesis (only removing to clean) for as long as he is able to keep his natural eye (prayerfully a lifetime).

As I sat in the office yesterday and listened to the specialist reveal his findings from the evaluation, I was instantly convicted by the Holy Spirit that God is in the details - He is always in the details! It was a moment in time where I could hear everything, but at the same time I was in instant communion with the Lord, who created my Bereket and is not at all surprised by the findings and plan for today, because God is always in the details. It was a precious moment for me and left me feeling so humbled by His love, provision and protection of the son He created for us to love.

Bereket has the perfect eye for this prosthesis because his eye socket was stretched so far while not receiving treatment in Ethiopia. God was in the details...

The sclero shell that will be made for him needs to be thin and children with dreamy dark chocolate eyes are the perfect candidate for matching color from one eye to the other (the darker the better:0). God is in the details...

It is no surprise to God, the sovereign Lord, the Creator of Life that Bereket would be born with a birth defect that would leave him blind in his left eye. He could have created him with 2 perfect eyes, but He has a plan for Bereket's life that includes his treatment and limited vision. I praise the Lord for the details He leaves us to trust Him to and I peacefully wait to see how those details will affect other people for the Kingdom of God.

'Lord Jesus - thank for that we have communion with a God that is always in the details - that is the Maker of details and that is never surprised. Lord, help me to be less surprised and more humbled by your provision and perfection.'

"I FEEL LIKE I'M DREAMING"

Our oldest son from Ethiopia is pretty good at articulating his feelings to us. It took me a little time to notice the pattern, but after a family vacation or fun-filled family day or even a small moment of joy, he will say, "I feel like I'm dreaming..." It reminds me that he is still processing this 'new life' as a member of our family in America.
The greatest conversations with my children do not occur when they are planned out and prompted - they come sitting on the back deck on a sunny Michigan afternoon after lunch at the picnic table...

Muaz: "Mom, sometimes when I am playing in the yard with everyone, I feel like I am dreaming".
Me: "Why do you feel like that?"
Muaz: "I don't know, I feel like I might wake up and be in Ethiopia again."
Me: "Is it a good feeling to be here?"
Muaz: "Yes, I just sometimes feel like I am dreaming".
Me: "Do you ever wish you were still there?"
Muaz: "Sometimes - but only for Mama Medina and Meme, but I would miss you guys."
Me: (Misty eyed) "I'm so glad you are here, but I am sad you had to leave them, too."

Our son has been home for 2 years and experienced the joy of clean water, food in abundance, the love & of a mom & dad and the gift of time together, the bond of siblings, his own bed to sleep in at night, clothes and shoes of his own that fit (& he picked them out), a safe place to worship & grow in knowledge and love of the Lord, the joy of organized sports, safety & shelter. None of these items were available to him in Ethiopia and yet his heart continues to yearn for the one thing he left behind of value - his mother & sister, whom he loves. We cannot remove the hurt of being separated from them with our love, or the things or opportunities we provide him and my soul aches from a depth that I cannot describe for the way he wrestles with that. The very thing that allows him to love me as his mommy had to be taken from him to get here. After 2 years, it would be easy at times to just keep on moving forward, but I am reminded that in the depths of his soul, a grief that should not be ignored continues to dwell in his precious heart. He needs to be reminded that it is good to love Mama Medina and that we want to share his grief as much as we do his joy. It is an amazing priviledge to witness the work of God through adoption and the redemptive power of Jesus that dwells in the hearts of His once-fatherless & now found children.